I got 4, Male 30-39. 
Oh, and I've had a colonoscopy... it's not fun.... 
Let's be more accurate, the colonoscopy isn't the problem it's the 15 gallons of laxatives you're forced to drink a day before that's the issue. 
OH MY GOD! So you know... you know the horrible reality that only another person who's had a colonoscopy can know...
And for those reading, it's not the
effects of the laxative WB's talking about, they are just amusing. It's the actual process itself. I can only imagine you are talking about 'klean prep', which is the most disgusting thing known to man. Those of you who are blissfully unaware - try to imagine, if you will, having to drink 4 and a half litres (that is honestly the amount) of a substance that has the consistency of something between milk and cream, with the taste of hell itself. I'm going to be really disgusting here, and I'm not speaking from experience, but girls - I have a feeling it would be the equivalnt of drinking 4 and a half litres of semen....
When I had to drink klean prep, the experience was as follows.... manage to finish first litre, though painfully slowly and with tears in my eyes. By about a quarter of the second litre, starting to gag every now and then. By litre three it's sip, gag, sip, gag, sip..... oh now, I'm going to vomit.... manage to just keep it down... sip, gag and repeat ad infinitum. There is no litre four. Litre four is the one you don't drink and lie to the doctor telling them you have, this is because litre four is physically impossible....
And then the effects - imagine yet again, that you are sitting, an hour on from drinking your drink of doom, watching the tv thinking to yourself - 'this isn't too bad, I'm sure it'll just be a small evacuation, once, and then it'll be all over and I'll be ready.' As you are sitting daydreaming, you are blissfully unaware that the klean prep is destroying your innards. By the time you realise it is almost too late. A look of panic will appear on your face as you leap eight feet in the air with your legs already running though taking you nowhere yet. You hit the ground and accelerate like Vettel off the start line - only quicker - unsure if there is going to be a first lap 'incident', or if it'll be a clean getaway. So you make it to the porcelain mecca where you will be making pilgrimage for the foreseeable future... and then the release...
Someone told me that vesuvius has been dormant for hundreds of years. They are wrong. Vesuvius was alive and well that day, or at least that's how it felt as a stream of molten lava erupted downward with a power that results in you actually literally sitting on a downward jet hovering a clear foot off the seat as you feel your ring disintegrate leaving a hole big enough that... yup... as you suspected your kidneys are now gone - they've slipped out and been forced well clear. You can feel yourself getting sucked to oblivion. You are quite sure that you are now just a large flap of skin with nothing left inside, not even skeletal remains. Eventually it slows and stops. And you wipe yourself clean (from top to toe - followed by the toilet, the surrounding floor, and the door which you either never had time to close as you passed in a blur on your way in, or has been forced open by the subsequent pressure / tidal wave of your evacuation), and drag yourself back to the couch. Your wife then asks 'everything ok?' in a calm and quite unaware tone. So you murder her... well, maybe not, maybe you just lie through your remaining teeth (if they haven't all been sucked out already a few moments prior) and say 'oh yes, fine dear!', though there's no escaping the heavily sarcastic tone that you WILL be using. You sit down.... and think... 'oh, no.... not again.... it can't be coming again so soon...' and you're off for round two....
By the time six hours of this has completed, you'll be sitting in a corner, rocking back and forward, saying 'please, no, not again! NOT AGAIN!!!!! There's nothing left to take Lucifer - you've got it all!!! My soul left me in the last eruption!! What more could you POSSIBLY want?!?!?'
That - my friends - is the 'klean prep' experience.... It is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. In fact, if any of you that are Vettel fans have had the experience of klean prep - you wouldn't EVEN wish it on Narain Karthikayen!
The next time - I refused to have it as I had heard about a mythical non-disgusting alternative that the doctors don't like prescribing as it's more expensive. However I told my doctors that I would (and I wasn't lying) rather die slowly over a number of months of colon cancer than have klean prep (and I stand by that!) ever again. So they reluctantly prescribed me the golden nectar alternative called 'picolax'. Which by comparison to klean prep is one of the nicest drinks you could ever have. And you only have to drink a cup of it. Which is worrying considering that the effects are the same. Makes me think that it must be like concentrated acid that dissolves everything it comes into contact with... but I couldn't care about that as it is a breeze to consume unlike the death drink noted above.
This wisdom, my cherubs, is my gift to you all. I suggest that if you are ever in the position of having to have a camera and equipment resembling the size of a smart car rammed up your nether regions, that you refuse the klean prep and demand the alternative, otherwise you will forever have the scarring above etched on your memory....
Favourite racing series: F1, Indycar, NASCAR, GP2, F3, Formula E, Trophee Andros, DTM, WTCC, BTCC, World Endurance... etc. etc.
a bit better?
