DO RON RON RON
F1 exclusive! McLaren boss Ron Dennis is a robot
Proof that Ron has wires for veins?
These excerpts from an interview Ron Dennis gave recently to F1’s official website hint that McLaren’s boss is actually a state-of-the-art robot, designed and built by Vodafone, McLaren and Mercedes.
“I remain unflinchingly committed to the McLaren Group and the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team, and remain passionately engaged in leading the McLaren Group into exciting new areas of business, exemplified by, but not confined to, the groundbreaking projects currently being evaluated by McLaren Automotive.”
“As regards business opportunities for him [Lewis Hamilton], the McLaren Group numbers a workforce of 1300 expert and experienced individuals, specialising in all sorts of disparate yet discrete disciplines; as a result, I feel confident that no other team has the infrastructure to offer its drivers the level of support that McLaren Mercedes does, across a wide variety of areas. Those areas encompass the sporting, fitness, marketing, and communications dimensions and, of course, the commercial dimension - and many other dimensions besides.”
“Formula One is uniquely well-placed to help make production cars leaner, cleaner and greener in the future. How so? Because, riding on the back of environment-focused initiatives such as KERS, the Formula One engine manufacturers will have not only a) the opportunity, but also b) the budget and c) the technical inventiveness with which to develop green technologies that will find their way into the engines of production cars in years to come.”
“I’ve often said that the way to encourage close and competitive racing is to maintain regulatory stability - for exactly the reason indicated in your question. Technical development costs money, and the bigger teams will always be better placed to fund those technical developments. In turn, as a result, it logically follows that the performance gap between the bigger teams and the smaller teams tends to widen in periods of regulatory instability - and the consequence of that is inevitably racing that is less close and/or competitive than spectators, viewers and sponsors would ideally like it to be. Having said that, we and our partners at Mercedes-Benz HighPerformanceEngines are working closely with the FIA, in co-operation with our competitors, within the context of FOTA (Formula One Teams Association), to ensure that the regulation changes will trigger as seamless a transition as possible.”
Firstly, congratulations if you managed to make it this far into this post without falling asleep.
Secondly, who the hell speaks like this? No human being that we’ve ever met - Dennis has to be a robot.
Thirdly, Ron’s wife is one lucky women. Imagine what he might write in her birthday card:
Dear Mrs Dennis,
I feel confident in wishing you a happy birthday, not only from myself but also, crucially, the expert team at Vodafone McLaren Mercedes, without whom this card could not possibly exist. I worked extremely closely with both the team and the FIA to select this card from a branch of Clinton Cards and I have complete faith in your ability to take some degree of pleasure from it.
Mr Ron Dennis (and all at Vodafone McLaren Mercedes)
I think old Ronny baby has had a bit of a short circuit
Gilles Villeneuve: If someone said to me that you can have three wishes, my first would have been to get into racing, my second to be in Formula 1, my third to drive for Ferrari.