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[welshie]

:rofl: that's great best one yet.

And shamefully true!

[texasmr2]

:rofl: that's great best one yet.

And shamefully true!

No shame at all bro that's just how men are .

[Mikep99]

Go Mario

Clicky to Play

[McLaren Fan]

[Mikep99]

Mega Strip Clicky

[texasmr2]

A Redneck from Mississippi walked into a bank in New York City
and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Bakersfield on
business for two weeks and needed
to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form
of security for the loan, so the
Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The
Redneck produced the title and
everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the
car as collateral for the loan and
apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a
good laugh at the Redneck from the
south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a
$5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the
bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and
the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had
your business, and this transaction has
worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While
you were away, we checked you out and
found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is,
why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'

The Mississippi Redneck replied, 'Where else in New York City ,
can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect
it to be there when I return?'

His name was... BUBBA...

[bud]

Bubba

[Mikep99]

+1

[texasmr2]

A little blonde humour:

A blonde was fed up with being made fun of and having jokes made about her so she decided to dye her hair brown. One day, while driving along a country road, she saw a farmer and a bunch of sheep on a farm. She thought the sheep were cute, so she got out of her car and asked the farmer, "If I can guess how many sheep are here, can I have one?". Being a bit of a gambler himself, he agreed. She guessed correctly, much to the surprise of the farmer, so keeping up his end of the bargain he let her pick out whichever sheep she wanted. She did, and returned to her car. Just as she was leaving, the farmer stopped her and asked, "If I can guess the real color of your hair, will you give me my dog back?".
----------------------------------------------------
A blonde's friend entered a room and saw her painting the walls with two nice coats on. Confused, the friend asked, "Why are you wearing those nice coats? Aren't you afraid you'll get paint on them and ruin them?" The blonde responded by picking up the paint can and pointing to the directions. "See?" she said, "It says for best results, apply two coats."
----------------------------------------------------
A blonde, a brunette and a readhead are stuck on an island. For year and years they live there, one day they find a magic lamp. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a genie. The geenie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one" So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life-- I just want to go home" and POOF she is gone. The the red head makes her wish "This place sucks, I want to go home too" and poof she is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The geenie says to her " my dear what is the matter? She says, "I wish my friends were here".
----------------------------------------------------
One blonde can make a difference! At least that is what the blonde in this joke thought.

She
was tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.

In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.

A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past - she would set these men straight!

Marching over at a rapid pace she announced,
"It isn't true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is."

Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked,
"Ok, how about Arizona?"

The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer,
"A"!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Question: What's the difference between a blonde and a toilet?

Answer: A toilet doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you use it!

[Mikep99]

My pooch.
I taught him everything I know
Clicky to Play

[Mikep99]

This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.


The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.


The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with
(phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same = three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:


DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win.
What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had umpalumpa?"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have umpalumpa at 8 o'clock this =morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than theprevious hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."



[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]


DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touchtones.....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian
knows not to give any\answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of youwill be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have umpalumpa, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect is manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: "Up the arse....."

They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have a heart attack , he could not stop laughing.
Apperently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation , for minor traffic collisions.

[darwin dali]

[Mikep99]

[texasmr2]

A professor at University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're
having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.

[bud]

im sure a Professor would have referred to an Asshole as a Rectum in a lecture aint that right DD but funny none the less