FORUMula1.com - F1 Forum

[bud]

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and HerveyBay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe ..
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

[Mikep99]

Bud,
They sound like reasonable questions After all the town I live in only got electricity & running water a last week.

[bud]

ahh excellent but what about transportation? you guys in Sydney arent still riding kangaroos to work are you?

[Hanwombat]

hehe

[al4x]

some of those are really funny, loving the reponses,

some people are just plain stupid!

[darwin dali]

http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp

[Rivelution]

My favorite was the one asking which direction is North in Australia. Who the hell honestly asks that?

[Forti_Corse]

drop bears LOL i love them lil critters.

ive never seen a kangaroo or koala unless you count the zoo. and i live in the countryside of australia

hippo races? at kings cross? no theyre just lebanese ppl racing in hondas

[bud]

ive come across a koala crossing the road in my area forti, had to come to a full stop on a main road while it slowly walked along.
its not too out of the ordinary with Koalas coming into residential areas to get some good gum tree leaves with the drought taking its toll in the country areas.

[f1ea]

I have a question:

Did Mick Dundee really own all that land, or was he just showing off in front of the cameras?

[Big Azza]

:D
I have a question:

Did Mick Dundee really own all that land, or was he just showing off in front of the cameras?

Nah! The Aborigines own our land. We have to pay rent to them. It is a compulsary subject in Australian schools to play the didgeridoo and use boomerangs to kill emus.

Hey I have a general question. A lot of Aussies complain about shark attacks and crocodlies biting the northerners arms off. But in a lot of bush restaraunts, shark and crocks are on the menu. So do we kill them more than they kill us? I think it serves the barstards right.

Me and my pet croc, Spike, have a great friendship, I give him koala rump steak, and he guards my property from stupid American Tourists poking their heads into my business.

@bud: Unfortunately my roo grew to old, so I'm upgrading to a younger model. When our roos get too old, we feed them to the emus. Or we fry them on the barbie and have roo on a stick

We still don't have a reliable transport system in Sydney. I mean, how can it take a train 2 hours to get from Merrylands to Parramatta! That's how long it takes to fly to Melbourne! So we use our native wildlife.


Did I push this joke too far?

[madbrad]

As I landed in Austrailia and walked into the airport, the customs guy there asked me if I had a criminal record. I said I didn't know you still needed one.



But I made sure I had my can of Roo-Away to keep the roos away.