FORUMula1.com - F1 Forum

[darwin dali]

I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails
over the past year. I am totally screwed up now
and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or
have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's
nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the
floor of a public restroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat
poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge
with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub
the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena will grant my every
wish .

I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full
of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so
a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven
different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me
for life.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $2.00 coin
dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a
umpalumpa molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
AND LASTLY, I keep my toothbrush in the living room because I was
told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will
infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will
occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best
friend's beautician.

NOW YOU ALL HAVE YOURSELVES A WONDERFUL DAY...AND A HEALTHY
LIFE.
Happy 2011

[texasmr2]

[JackMaster]

Happy year! Impressive post.