- 04 Nov 09, 12:59#168048
This made me cry with laughter!
Just try reading this without
laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great
gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a
pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted
this:
Last weekend I saw something
at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What
I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.
The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived,
with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing
her adequate time to retreat to
safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story
short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I
pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at
the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity
darting back and forth between the
prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to
explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her
microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with
this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all
that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in
my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &
blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping
Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better
of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give
this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I
did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am
I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of
shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched
delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,
and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second
burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss
of bodily control; and a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a
fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would
be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking
at this little device measuring about 5" long, less
than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy
AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself,
'no possible way!' What happened next is almost
beyond description, but I'll do my best ...
I'm sitting there alone,
Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to
say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one
second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't
hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second
burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked
thigh, pushed the button, and ...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. .
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE
....!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan
ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner,
then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet,
both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my
left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and
tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had
never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging
above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid
getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living
room.
Note: If you ever feel
compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note
of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst
when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing
until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing
about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered
conservative!
A minute or so later (I
can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up
and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on
the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down
and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My
triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the
drooling.
Apparently I had pooped in my
shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of
smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head,
which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for
my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for
their safe return!
P.s... My wife can't stop
laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now
regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is
difficult, try being stupid !!!
Just try reading this without
laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great
gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a
pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted
this:
Last weekend I saw something
at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What
I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.
The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived,
with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing
her adequate time to retreat to
safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story
short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I
pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at
the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity
darting back and forth between the
prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to
explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her
microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with
this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all
that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in
my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &
blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping
Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better
of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give
this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I
did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am
I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of
shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched
delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,
and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second
burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss
of bodily control; and a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a
fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would
be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking
at this little device measuring about 5" long, less
than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy
AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself,
'no possible way!' What happened next is almost
beyond description, but I'll do my best ...
I'm sitting there alone,
Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to
say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one
second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't
hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second
burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked
thigh, pushed the button, and ...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. .
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE
....!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan
ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner,
then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet,
both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my
left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and
tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had
never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging
above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid
getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living
room.
Note: If you ever feel
compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note
of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst
when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing
until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing
about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered
conservative!
A minute or so later (I
can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up
and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on
the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down
and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My
triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the
drooling.
Apparently I had pooped in my
shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of
smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head,
which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for
my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for
their safe return!
P.s... My wife can't stop
laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now
regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is
difficult, try being stupid !!!
