Joke of the Day

[Jabberwocky]

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out, "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"


Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having umpalumpa?"

Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy (let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor, you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."

[LRW]

Paddy and Colleen .....

[What's Burning?]

A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. They come up with a wild idea to go into the woods, find a bear and try to convert it... If they can do that, they figure they can convert anyone.

The minister sets out first and when he gets back he says; "I found a bear by the stream, preached God's holy word and he let me baptize him in the river."

The priest decides to go next and after some time comes back and says, "I found your bear, read to him from the Catechism, sprinkled him with holy water and gave him his First Communion."

The rabbi thinking he could top that, goes looking for the bear. After what seemed like the longest wait, he comes back bandaged from head to foot and said. "Oy vey... maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

[andrew]

Seeing as we're all adults.......

A man walks into a bar and asks for a rum and coke. Instead of a drink, the barman set an apple down in front of him. "Where's my drink?" the man says. "It's a magic apple" replied the barman. "Take a bite." So the man takes a bit and surprised exclaims "It tastes of rum". The barman says "turn it round". The man takes a bite and finds it tastes like coke. "It's like the best rum and coke ever" the man says.

A second man walks into a bar and asks for a gin and tonic. Instead of a drink, the barman set an apple down in front of him. "Where's my drink?" the man says. "It's a magic apple" replied the barman. "Take a bite." So the man takes a bit and surprised exclaims "It tastes of gin". The barman says "turn it round". The man takes a bite and finds it tastes like tonic. "It's like the best gin and tonic ever" the man says.

A third man walks into the bar but says to the barman that he isn't sure what he wants. The second man tells him about the magic apples. "Oh yeah? Have you got an apple that tastes of cat?" the third man asks. The bar man gives him an apple and the customer takes a bite which he promptly spits out in disgust and exclaims "It tastes like s***!" The barman simply replies, "Turn it round".

[andrew]

How do you turn on a snooker table?








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Stick yer hands in it's pockets and tickle its balls.

[vlad]

Here we go!!!

Two cannibal's eating a clown. One said to the other:

"Does this taste funny to you ?"

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There are 3 things that you can watch all the time and don't get bored. It's - fire, water flowing and woman parking.

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Q: What is the smallest book in the world?

A: Complete Collection Of 1000 Years German Humor!
(This must be one of Vettel's jokes)

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Q: Whats the problem when your wife comes out of the kitchen and sits next to you on the sofa to watch tv?

A: The chain is to long!

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Chu, Bu and Fu decide to migrate to America
On the plane they decide to americanise there names
Chu Changes his name to Chuck
Bu changes his name to Buck
And Fu returns to china.

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Here's a racing one:
A man brings his car for the 3rd time in 2 weeks to the garage with a broken gearbox.

The mechanic, which already repaired the car the last 2 times, says:

"I don't understand at all how this can happen."

The man says: "Me too. I can't imagine what is wrong. I shift from 1st gear into 2nd, after it up into 3rd, then 4th.

Then again, 5th and 6th.


And finally, I shift into "R", the Rally-Gear!!!"

[Jabberwocky]

talking of racing jokes, in the last episode of Tooned. I am not sure who the evil Von Richt-macher is supposed to be.

[youtube]02ZiPRyvYo8[/youtube]

[vlad]

Hahaha, nice one! Not nice to talk dirty about Germans though.

[Jabberwocky]

not being nasty, I was always intrigued by Manfred Von Richthofen when I was a child. His DR.1 always stuck in my mind.

[vaptin]

Man goes to see the doctor, says:
"Doctor, I'm feeling depressed, I hate my job, I'm getting divorced, life's just lost all meaning", Doctor says:
"The Amazing Zephereeni is in town, go and see his show, it'll cheer you right up", the man puts his head in his hands and croaks:
"No, doctor, you don't understand, I am the amazing Zeephereeni".

Paraphrased from Watchmen.

[What's Burning?]

Two American women sit down at a bistro in Paris for some lunch. When the waiter show's up, one of the women asks, how's the soup du jour? The other woman quickly interjects, OH it's really good... I had it last year.

[Hammer278]

I don't know if this qualifies as a joke...but this is what my Business Ethics course is like:

Day 1:
Lecturer: I want you guys to challenge me! Don't just sit there, twaddling your thumbs and taking everything as I go along...I'm not a preacher, I'm a teacher!

Today:
Lecturer: (Says something controversial)
Colleague: "Professor, isn't it supposed to be ethical due to the utilitarianism principle saying blablabla..." (And the class knows she has a very good point here)
Lecturer: Then why don't you write an article about it?? I don't just want opinions! Okay, moving on...

Major WTF moment in the class today.

[andrew]

Sounds like the person was just offering an opinion and the Professor was wanting them to back it up with facts - fair enough. Sounds like a challenge to me that should be accepted.

[Hammer278]

She stated a fact in that sentence! Anyway, this is a joke thread....it was a hilarious moment during the break when we discussed it which is why I shared it here.

[andrew]

Ah well, some lecturers don't like being called on stuff in my experience.