Requirements:
TV with F1 coverage on ITV
A safe and stable chair
A bucket (just in case)
Accumulated alcohol (minimum requirements):
1 x bottle of vodka
1 x bottle of wine (red, white or rose - your choice)
4 x cans lager/beer
1 x bottle of unknown origins left at the back of the booze cupboard to ferment for at least five years.
1 x pint glass
1 x wine glass
1 x shot glass
1 x mug
Are we sitting comfortably? Well let's start with some rules.
Isaac Newton's Third Law states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
My First Law states that every F1 action thus described has an equal and alcohol-based reaction.
1) Sit in front of the TV with ITV on with all your spirits and glasses all to hand.
2) Start to watch.
3) Take a mouthful of beer every time you see the following:
a) The ITV F1 introduction "Lift me up" tune plays.
b) The first thing Steve Rider and Mark Blundell start talking about is Lewis Hamilton.
c) They are stood outside Lewis Hamilton's garage..
d) They then interview Antony Hamilton and talk about how he worked 31 hours a day to fund Lewis' karting.
4) Take a ladylike sip of wine everytime...
a) The ITV F1 competition has a ridiculously easy correct answer.
b) Mark Blundell says "cor blimey gov'nor"
c) Jarno Trulli gets into the top 6 and then goes backwards during the race
d) ITV cut to an ad break whenever something exciting happens.
5) Drain your beer glass if...
a) Kimi Raikkonen tells Martin Brundle on the grid walk that he's just gone for a sh*t.
b) David Coulthard crashes in the pitlane entrance.
c) David Coulthard then flirts with Louise Goodman who is scantily clad.
d) James Allen starts comparing Lewis Hamilton to Ayrton Senna.
6) Take a shot of vodka every time...
a) Pat Symmonds gives the "hurry up" call to one of the Renault drivers.
b) Mark Webber's Red Bull breaks down.
c) Nelson Piquet Jr slags off Heikki Kovalainen.
d) One of the Super Aguris passes the works Hondas.
7) And take a mug of "unknown" everytime...
a) Nick Heidfeld shaves off his beard.
b) James Allen makes a prat of himself.
c) Ralf Schumacher causes a startline crash.
d) Ron Dennis starts talking in his "Ronspeak" dialect.
Feel free to suggest anything else.
the meaning of a true battle of all that is 
